Doctor Who Interviews
by SmoshyDoctor
Summary: I interview the characters of both Modern and Classic Who! How will they deal with being questioned? Read on to find out! (I suck at summaries) **Rated T for swearing; story originally published on Wattpad by me**
1. Episode 1

**Episode One: **Interview with Eleven

_****Quick A/N: This series was originally published on my old Wattpad account before I deleted it, and I loved it so much that I decided to keep it the same format but rewrite it and publish it here for all of you lovely readers to see! :) Oh, and a fair warning: some chapters might focus more on me than on the characters, just because I'm kind of self-centered. :b**_

_**Well, that's all I needed to tell you. Enjoy! :D**_

_**-SmoshyDoctor****_

* * *

***Audio broadcast starts***

**SmoshyDoctor (Me): **Hello and welcome to the very first episode of _Doctor Who Interviews_! Today, I'll be discussing with the Doctor who is, by far, the best drunk giraffe ever, Eleven himself! How are you, Doctor?

**Eleven: ***grins* I'm doing just fine. How about you?

**SmoshyDoctor: ***smiles* I'm great, thanks. So, what's your opinion on Clara?

**Eleven: **_Clara?_ Oh no, I'd rather not answer-

**SmoshyDoctor (interrupting): **I'm sorry to sound rude, but I have a plethora of Whovians who want your opinion so the whole Whouffle debate can be cleared up.

**Eleven: **_Whouffle? _Sorry, I'm a bit behind on the newest fads...what's a Whouffle?

**SmoshyDoctor: **It's the pairing name for you and Clara, aka Souffle Girl.

**Eleven: ***ina shockedtone*** **_Pairing name_? _**What**_?! I _like_ Clara, but **not** like that!

**SmoshyDoctor: ***laughs*** **I figured as much. Anyway, I-

**Eleven: ***interrupting*** Honestly**! You lot of...of _fangirls_, you assume things! Just because I was _naked_ front of her _**one time**_ doesn't mean...

**SmoshyDoctor: **...From the way you worded it, it sounds like you two would be a...

**Eleven: ***throws up hands in exasperation* _**Whatever! **_All I'm trying to say is that we're **not**, **never** **will**, and **never have been **a couple!

**SmoshyDoctor: ***lets out a nervous laugh* **Wow**, Doc, you sure have some strong feelings about not loving Clara...I'm sorry for asking.

**Eleven: ***shakes head* No, no, it's alright; you're just going your job. Now, on to the next thing...Time for me to ask you a question.

**SmoshyDoctor: **Oh. Um...alrighty then. *blushes* Go ahead.

**Eleven: ***grins and rubs hands together* Great. _Fantastic_. Okay. So. You...have you...*leans forward* ...Did you put on _perfume_ today?

**SmoshyDoctor: **Erm, **yeah**. *looks at him nervously* Why, does it smell bad? *starts brushing off sleeve*

**Eleven: ***eyes grow wide* No, _no_! That's not what-it smells _lovely_, Jess-What I meant to ask was have you seen anything..._**odd**_ happening around here lately?

**SmoshyDoctor: **Come to think of it, yeah...

**Eleven: **What did you see?

**SmoshyDoctor: **I could've sworn I saw Jaime McCrimmon [A/N: He's a Classic Who companion] wandering around outside of my house the other night...he looked terribly lost.

**Eleven: **You say that you saw _**Jaime**_? *mutters* Oh, this is interesting..._very_ interesting indeed.

**SmoshyDoctor: **Why's that?

**Eleven: **Because I've been seeing some of my old companions appear out of nowhere for no reason all of a sudden.

**SmoshyDoctor: **Odd. Well, anyways, um, what else did you want to ask me?

**Eleven: **Oh! There was one other thing...um...*glances at me* Have you seen my sonic screwdriver anywhere? I can't find it...*starts to dig through pockets*

**SmoshyDoctor (thinking): **_Damn. I thought he was going to ask me to travel with him...or maybe even ask me out...Ooh, that would've been __**amazing **__if he did that...I would totally say yes; who could ever deny a man with such an _adorable_ face?..._

**Eleven: ***stops searching and stares at me* _**Hello**_? Still with me?

**SmoshyDoctor: ***snaps out of train of thought* Sorry, what?...Oh, yeah, totally.

**Eleven: ***smirks, crosses arms over chest* _Then __**what**__ did I just say?_

**SmoshyDoctor: **Uh, well...*sighs* Okay, you got me. I have **no** idea.

**Eleven: ***bursts out laughing* I wouldn't expect you to. I just said _'Judoon platoon on the moon' _in Russian.

**SmoshyDoctor: ***sighs out of relief* Too bad I don't _speak_ Russian.

**Eleven: **Don't learn it; it's a waste of time. Now then, back to the issue of finding my screwdriver...*starts looking around the room*

**SmoshyDoctor: **_**Oi! **_Don't touch that!

**Eleven: ***speaking in a faint tone due to being far away from the microphone* Touch _what_?

**SmoshyDoctor: **That diary that's lying_ right in front of you_, **stupid**! It's my grandma's!

**Eleven: ***still speaking faintly* What's it doing here?

**SmoshyDoctor: **I left it here by accident! I was in the middle of reading it when...*trails off as gaze fixes on something outside the room*

**Eleven: **What? *follows my gaze* ...No. *eyes grow wide with shock* No, it _can't_ be!

**SmoshyDoctor: **How the hell did that get inside? *walks away from microphone to look at object*

**Eleven: ***sarcastically* Great. Just **great**. First I lose my screwdriver, and then the bloody _Pandorica_ has to show up out of _nowhere_. This is just _**dreamy**_. *sighs heavily*

**SmoshyDoctor: ***talking faintly* Doctor, wasn't it _destroyed_ during the Big Bang Two?

**Eleven: **It _**should've**_ been. How did it _survive_ that? More importantly, _**how did it get here?**_

**SmoshyDoctor: **Don't ask me; I wouldn't know a **damned thing about it**. *walks back over near the microphone* Should we try to get it out of here?

**Eleven: **We could try, but it would take all day to just move it down the stairs...

**SmoshyDoctor: **Fuck. I _**hate**_ working. It takes effort...Okay. Um...we could just go see what's inside of it.

**Eleven: ***sighs* I suppose, but-

**SmoshyDoctor: ***interrupting* Alright then. I'll go first. *goes outside of room, slams door shut*

**Eleven:** -you may not like what you see. *shakes head* I **hate** it when she doesn't let me finish...*walks over to microphone* ...Huh. *picks up a piece of paper* What's this?...Some sort of _script_?...*reads a tiny bit of it silently* ...Oh, this thing is still _broadcasting_...*taps microphone* Yes, um, hello there...this is the Eleventh Doctor speaking. Due to the current..._Pandorica_ issue, I'm going to sign off **for** SmoshyDoctor. *glances at script* _If you liked this first episode, please comment, follow, or even favorite this so I can keep it going. Thank you for listening, and __**always**__ remember to bring a banana to a party! _...Note to self: tell Jess to edit sign off lines. Now, if I just could figure out how to turn this _**thing**_ off without-

***Audio broadcast ends***


	2. Episode 2

**Episode Two: **Interview with Clara

****A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE! :D Here's your New Year's gift from me to you: the second episode of Doctor Who Interviews!**

**-SmoshyDoctor****

* * *

***Audio broadcast starts***

**SmoshyDoctor: **Hello again! Welcome to the second episode of Doctor Who Interviews! Sorry that the previous one was cut short; the Doctor and I had a..._never mind_, you **already** know. Anywho, today I'm talking to the Doctor's current companion, Clara Oswin Oswald!

**Clara: **Thanks for having me. *grins*

**SmoshyDoctor: ***grins back* Not a problem. Did you happen to listen to the previous episode, by any chance?

**Clara: **I did, actually, and I apologize for him. He's been a bit edgy ever since we visited the town called Christmas.

**SmoshyDoctor: ***mutters sarcastically* I can't imagine _why_.

**Clara: ***cocks head to side, smiles innocently* Sorry, what?

**SmoshyDoctor: ***flashes her a fake grin* What? I didn't say anything!

**Clara: **Okay. Anyways, the whole Whouffle thing...I _**totally**_ agree with him; we will **never** be and **never have been** in a relationship. Sorry to all of the Whouffle shippers out there; this is one ship that wasn't meant to be created.

**SmoshyDoctor: **How do you know about shipping? *raises an eyebrow*

**Clara: **Oh, you didn't know? I've got a Tumblr. I _know_ what the majority of the fandom thinks of me. I may not be the brightest person, but I'm certainly **not** the idiot Moffat writes me as.

**SmoshyDoctor: ***applauds* Well said, Miss Oswald! Well said!

**Clara: ***laughs a tiny bit* Thanks. _**Whew**_. I _really_ needed to get that off of my chest...

**SmoshyDoctor: ***smiles* I can tell. Anyways, did the Doctor tell you what we found inside the Pandorica?

**Clara: ***shakes head* No. What was in it?

**SmoshyDoctor: **Well...my character Jessie Evans, or the Entity from my stories _Questioning Saxon _and _The Master's Ring _was unconscious in the seat.

**Clara: ***eyes grow wide* The _Entity _was in the Pandorica? But she's supposed to be...oh wait. It hasn't been explained in your story yet, has it?

**SmoshyDoctor: **...Wait, _**what**_? What're you _talking_ about?

**Clara: **Oh, sorry...*smiles* I can't tell you yet. Spoilers!

**SmoshyDoctor: **Aha...gotcha. *sighs* I wish you _would've_ told me...I'm kind of having writer's block on that fanfiction right now.

**Clara: **Wish I could, but you know how the Doctor is about the rules of time.

**SmoshyDoctor: **Yeah, him and his rules, eh? *laughs*

**Clara: ***giggles* Anyways, did she ever wake up?

**SmoshyDoctor: **She did! We asked her what she'd been doing in there, and the Time Lady couldn't answer...it was really weird seeing one of **my** characters in real life. I didn't tell her who I was, besides the fact that I'm a friend of the Doctor's.

**Clara: **Good; 'cause if you told her your name, she'd probably ask you to rewrite her _**entire**_ history. That would be one _hell_ of a paradox...

**SmoshyDoctor: **No kidding. So, what did it feel like to find out that you were _born to save the Doctor?_

**Clara: **It made sense; I mean, why else would I have multiple lives if I didn't _jump into his timeline and get scattered throughout all of time and space?_

**SmoshyDoctor: **Well, _maybe_ you _**could've**_ been a Time Lady-

***A loud crash comes from outside the room***

**Clara: **What was that?

**SmoshyDoctor: **I dunno...it was probably my brother being a klutz again.

**Clara: **I think we should check.

**SmoshyDoctor: **Alright, let me just bring the microphone with me...thank God it's wireless. *picks up microphone*

**Clara: **Let's go! *opens door slowly*

**SmoshyDoctor: ***grabs microphone base tightly* Hello?

***Both fall silent for a few moments as they wait for a response***

**Clara: **Well, I guess no one's-

***Another loud crash echoes throughout the hallway; SmoshyDoctor jumps***

**SmoshyDoctor: ***whispering* What was that?

**Clara: ***whispering back* I thought you said your brother was here, Jess!

**SmoshyDoctor: ***glances at Clara, speaks slightly louder*I thought so too, but I guess he's at home...

**Clara: ***gulps* Then what're we dealing with?

**SmoshyDoctor: **I've no idea...the Doctor might know...if he was here...

**Clara: **I guess we'll just have to see for ourselves. *walks in direction noise came from slowly*

**SmoshyDoctor: ***follows closely behind, looking around at everything nervously* I knew I should've never done an interview at night, when the halls are this dark...

**Clara: **Y'know, I feel like this is going to turn out to be some sort of a prank...

**SmoshyDoctor: **Now that I think about it, I do too. *loosens grip on microphone*

**Clara: ***stops walking suddenly*

**SmoshyDoctor: ***runs into her* OW! What the-

**Clara: **Ssh! *grabs my arm and hides behind corner* Someone's coming!

**SmoshyDoctor: **Oh. Okay. *falls silent*

***Someone lets out a laugh***

**?: **I can't _believe_ they think something's gonna hurt them! *snickers*

**Clara: ***whispering* Do you recognise that voice?

**SmoshyDoctor: ***muttering while glaring at the person* I recognize it, alright.

**Clara: ***still whispering* Who is it?

**SmoshyDoctor: **It's Dean.

**Clara: **Dean _Winchester_?

**SmoshyDoctor: **Yeah. I wonder how he got here...he shouldn't know where this place is.

**Dean: ...**I can hear you two perfectly fine, ya know.

**SmoshyDoctor: **Shit! *looks at Clara* _**Run!**_

**Clara: **On it! *dashes away*

**Dean: **Why're ya runnin'? It's just me...

**SmoshyDoctor:** *steps out of shadows* I don't think so. If you were the _real _Dean, you wouldn't even know where this place is. Who are you, and how did you get here?

**Dean: **C'mon, Jess, let's not rush into this...I **am **Dean, I swear!

**SmoshyDoctor: **_I don't think so._ *pulls out replica of Eleven's sonic screwdriver* Back off, or I use this.

**Dean: ***snorts* Fine, ya got me. I'm not really Dean. You're awfully clever for such a young human...

***Dean morphs into a Zygon***

**SmoshyDoctor: ***eyes grow wide* I think that's my cue to **leave**. *starts running with the microphone in one hand and the fake screwdriver in the other*

**Zygon: **Get back here! You possess valuable information about the Time Lord! *hisses and waddles after*

**Clara: **Hurry! We've got to reach the interviewing room before it grabs us!

**SmoshyDoctor: ***voice dripping with sarcasm*Thank _you_, Captain Obvious!

**Zygon: ***keeps making hissing noises as it follows*

**SmoshyDoctor: ***screams in terror*

**Clara: **I see the room! *glances back* C'mon Jess!

**SmoshyDoctor: ***stuffs screwdriver replica in pocket* I'm trying! *runs faster*

**Zygon: **Too bad your _**Doctor**_ isn't here to save you pathetic apes.

**Clara: ***opens door* Get in! *shoves me inside room*

**SmoshyDoctor: ***stumblesintoroom*** **_**Oi! **_Watch it!

**Clara: **Sorry! *runs inside room, locks door as Zygon gets closer*

**SmoshyDoctor: **Clara, barricade the door with whatever you can find! I'll call the Doctor!

**Clara: ***nods*** **Got it! *runs around, grabbing random objects and throwing them near locked door*

**SmoshyDoctor: ***looks at microphone* Shit, I almost forgot about this...*clears throat* Okay, um, I'm sorry, listeners, but I've gotta go. _If you liked this episode, please leave a comment, and if you love the storyline so far, follow or even favorite this so I can keep it going. Thank you, and remember that the souffle isn't the souffle without the recipe! _*grabs phone and dials TARDIS' phone number frantically* _C'mon_ Doctor, _**please**_ pick up...

***Zygon roars, tries to break through the door***

**Clara: **Shit! *pushes herself up against door to try and stop it*

**SmoshyDoctor: **C'mon, pick **up**-

***Audio broadcast ends***


	3. Episode 3

**Episode Three: **Interview with Ten

****Quick A/N: If there's a whole sentence or two in full italics, it's the person's thoughts.**

**Example: **

**'SmoshyDoctor: **_I can't believe I'm about to interview THE Tenth Doctor. This is going to be such a great experience for me..._ Hey guys!'

**Anyways, thank you for all of the follows, favorites, and one review! :) I had no idea this would be accepted and welcomed as warmly as it has been! You guys **_**rock.**_

**Enjoy the third episode! :D**

**-SmoshyDoctor****

* * *

***Audio broadcast starts***

**SmoshyDoctor: **Hello listeners, and welcome back to the third episode of Doctor Who Interviews! Today I'll be discussing things with the _Tenth Doctor himself_! *swoons*

**Ten: ***laughs* Don't pass out on me, Jess. _These fangirls, I swear..._

**SmoshyDoctor: **_Oh my god. He knows my name..._*clears throat* Sorry, um, I've been a bit _**distracted**_ today...so, uh, Ten, how are you?

**Ten: **I'm _brilliant_. *winks* And how about **yourself**? _Please don't try to kiss me._

**SmoshyDoctor: **_He winked at me. Holy shit. I think I might die..._ I'm great, thanks. Anyways, how do you feel about-

***I trail off as Ten starts observing me***

**SmoshyDoctor: **-Are you okay, Doc? _I hope he doesn't think that I'm an airhead..._

**Ten: **Hmm? Oh yes, I'm fine. It's just that...you look more mature than I thought you would..._and a little bit shorter as well._

**SmoshyDoctor: ***giggles* Is that a _**compliment**__?_

**Ten: ***smiles* Yes, yes it is. _She looks like an eighteen year old..._

**SmoshyDoctor: **Well then. Thanks. *smiles brightly* _ghjkAsdfghjkl_

**Ten: **Not a problem. _At least she appears to be somewhat sane...unlike most of the others._

**SmoshyDoctor: **Anyways, Doctor, a few people wanted me to ask you...*glances at a piece of paper* ...how do you feel about Clara, your future companion? _I swear to God, if he says he absolutely is in love with her or something like that, I'm going to slap some sense into him._

**Ten: **Well, I think she's very...uh...headstrong, but very nice all the same. _Why can't I speak to her without hesitating? Is there something wrong with me? Am I losing my game?_

**SmoshyDoctor: **_THANK YOU LORD. _*laughs* I agree. On to the next one...*glances at the paper again* Would you be upset with Eleven if he and Rose reunited and began to travel with each other? _Oh my God, what am I doing? I memorized these questions before I got here; why am I forgetting them all? I hope I don't look unprofessional...that would be SO embarrassing._

**Ten: **Nah, not at all! I mean, I'm going to _be _him eventually, so why would I get upset at such a brilliant future? _I was hoping there weren't going to be any questions about Rose, but our pairing __**is **__the most popular one in the fandom, so I guess it's no surprise._

**SmoshyDoctor: **That's very true. You know what, I have no idea why that's a question! Besides, Eleven's got River..._And he always has me for moral support._

**Ten: ***eyes grow wide with realization* **That's **why River said I did all those things with her that I never remembered doing! They hadn't happened yet! *chuckles* _It all makes sense now..._

**SmoshyDoctor: **Time travel's very _**wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey**_, isn't it, Ten? *grins* _Aren't I clever? Nah, he's probably gonna think I'm an idiot for saying that..._

**Ten: ***smileskindly*** **Of course it is! _She's got quite the sense of humor for such a young and striking girl...Wait. What did I just say? Oh, this isn't good..._

**SmoshyDoctor: **...You okay, Doctor? Do you need me to grab me something? _What's up with that look he's giving me? It's kind of freaking me out..._

**Ten: ***snaps out of reverie* Sorry, I just realized something...I've met you before this, when I was younger, didn't I? _I'm so glad I didn't say what I was thinking...that would've made me look a bit too cheeky._

**SmoshyDoctor: ***nods* You _have_...well, you _will_...well...never mind. It's too _timey-wimey_. _God, I need to _**stop**_ talking like this, or I'll get all..Eleven-y. Dammit, it's too late for me to go back now._

**Ten: **_As usual. _Hold on...*leans forward* What's that on your t-shirt?

**SmoshyDoctor: **_Subject change much? _Oh, this? *glances at shirt* That's...huh, that's kinda funny...that's you with Eleven and the War Doctor. It's the 50th Anniversary picture.

**Ten: ***makes a funny face, adjusts glasses* _Interesting_. _I look slightly older in that shot..maybe it's 'cos my hair's not sticky-uppy. _They used Photoshop, didn't they? ...Wait, don't answer that. It was a rhetorical question.

**SmoshyDoctor: **_...Okay then. _*glances at the time on phone* Oh shit!

**Ten: **Oi! No swearing!

**SmoshyDoctor: **Sorry, I just remembered that I forgot to pick up some fish fingers and custard for Eleven...I promised I'd bring him dessert at 6:05pm.

**Ten: **Well, what time is it now?

**SmoshyDoctor: **7:31pm.

**Ten: ***eyes grow wide* You should probably-No, wait, I have an idea!

**SmoshyDoctor: **What's that? *gets up out of chair, starts to pack stuff up*

**Ten: ***smiles*I could take you to the _**exact time you needed to be there**_! It's a good thing I didn't travel by taxi today...

**SmoshyDoctor: ***gives Ten a thankful grin* And then Eleven wouldn't get upset. Oh my God, you're a _lifesaver_.

**Ten: **Weeelll, I don't mean to brag, but..._I've saved many more lives than I can count._

**SmoshyDoctor: ***laughs, elbows Ten* I know, Mr. Savior of Every Universe Ever. C'mon, we better get going...

**Ten: ***grabs my hand and smiles widely* Allons-y!

**SmoshyDoctor: Wait! ***looks at microphone* I need to sign off!

**Ten: **Nah, just bring it with you! It's wireless, isn't it?

**SmoshyDoctor: **Well, yeah, but it's not like it has Universal Roaming!

**Ten: ***pulls out sonic screwdriver* Let me see that.

**SmoshyDoctor: ***hands over microphone* Just try not to break it! This cost me 300 bucks!

**Ten: ***takes microphone* I won't break it, believe me. *sonics microphone*

* * *

***The broadcast is interrupted for a few moments, due to a loud static noise coming from the microphone***

* * *

**SmoshyDoctor: **-and I just can't believe that it would do that!

**Ten: **A Zygon, eh? Nasty things. Good thing Four arrived and helped you take care of it! *hands back microphone* Here, it has Universal Roaming now.

**SmoshyDoctor: **Thanks, Doc! *smiles*

**Ten: **Not a problem. Now, c'mon, let's go! _Allons-y!_

**SmoshyDoctor: ***realizes Ten has been holding my hand this whole time and blushes* O-Okay. Geronimo!

* * *

***Microphone goes on standby***

* * *

***TARDIS noise signals landing***

**Ten: **And we're here! *opens door for me* After you, m'lady. *grins cheekily*

**SmoshyDoctor: ***blushes* Thank you, sire. *steps out of TARDIS*

***Eleven looks up at the two of us and smiles***

**Eleven: **Hello, hello, hello! Did you bring me my fish fingers and custard?

**SmoshyDoctor: **Of course! And, look, we're right on time! *looks at clock that reads 6:05 pm*

**Ten: ***grins* She's quite the reliable friend, Eleven. _She'd be quite the match for you._

**SmoshyDoctor: ***dismisses Ten with a modest wave of hand* Nah, I'm really not...*gives bag of fish fingers to the Doctor* Here's the fish fingers...

**Ten: **And here's the custard. *passes bowl to Eleven*

**Eleven: **Thank you! *smiles at the two before his gaze goes back to me* ...Wait, aren't you supposed to be interviewing me? *glances at Ten*

**SmoshyDoctor: **Well, I, uh...

**Ten: ***interrupting* She already did.

**Eleven: **Then why is that here with you? *points at microphone*

**SmoshyDoctor: **Well, I, uh...

**Ten: **She's had a long day, Eleven. Just let it go. _Wait, why am I getting so defensive of her?_

**Eleven: **_I remember this happening when I was him. This was the day I discovered that I fell in love with her-I mean, Jess. _*looks a bit embarrassed* Oh. I'm sorry, Jess. Fish finger? *holds one up to me*

**SmoshyDoctor: **Thanks, Doc. *takes it and bites into it* Mmm. Tasty. _This would go great with some custard...but I'll wait to ask for some._

**Eleven: ***smiles* Want some, Ten?

**Ten: **Oh, no thanks. *scratches back of neck* Well, er, I better be going...Donna's waiting for me. You know how she is when she gets impatient...

**SmoshyDoctor: ***laughs* Yeah. It was nice talking to you, Ten. *smiles brightly*

***Ten blushes as Eleven gives him a knowing look***

**Eleven: **It was nice seeing me again. Have a safe journey, Ten. *eats more fish fingers with custard*

**Ten: **Thanks. *nods at future self, then turns to me* I'll see you soon, Jess. *takes my hand and kisses it*

**SmoshyDoctor: ***giggles* See ya.

***Ten steps inside the TARDIS***

**Eleven: ***turns to me*Should I have told him about the rough bump he's going to hit on the way there?

**SmoshyDoctor: ***shakes head* Nah, he'll know soon enough.

***Audio broadcast ends***


	4. Episode 4

**Episode Four: **Interview with Rose Tyler

****A/N: I sincerely apologize for this chapter...I don't even know why it's like this. Well, actually, that's not true...I wrote this late at night and thought that this was a brilliant chapter. Jfc...apparently things get weird in my writing when I'm super tired.**

**Anyways, I hope you like this...regardless of the weirdness.**

**-SmoshyDoctor****

***Audio broadcast starts***

**SmoshyDoctor: **Welcome to the fourth episode, everybody! Today I'll be interviewing Miss Rose Tyler herself!

**Rose: **Thanks for havin' me. *smiles*

**SmoshyDoctor: ***grins* Not a problem, dear. So, did you happen to listen to the last episode?

**Rose: **Well, um, yeah...The Doctor played it for me yesterday. *bites lip*

**SmoshyDoctor: **Mind if I ask which Doctor it was?

**Rose: **Oh. Um, sorry, did I say Doctor? I meant to say _**Duplicate**_ Doctor. Well, actually, he likes to go by John Smith now. *looks at feet*

**SmoshyDoctor: **Oh. *eyes grow wide with realization* _Oh. _Oh my God. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring him up-

**Rose: ***interrupting* No, no, it's fine. It was my mistake.

**SmoshyDoctor: **No, really, I'm so, so sorry...I'm sorry for making him fall in love with me and sorry that you were trapped in the parallel universe and...*keeps rambling on and on*

**Rose: **Oh, uhm...no, really, you're okay...*brushes hair out of face*

**SmoshyDoctor: **...Oh. Well. Okay. Good. *smiles a tiny bit*

**Rose: ***after a few minutes of awkward silence* Can I ask _you_ a question really quickly?

**SmoshyDoctor: **_Oh!_ *smiles* Sure. Go ahead.

**Rose: **What did you say about _making him fall in love with me_?

**SmoshyDoctor: **...

**Rose: ***laughs* I'm not going to kill you or anything. Just give it to me straight. I can handle it.

**SmoshyDoctor: ***lets out a sigh of relief* Yeah, um, it just...well...Did I say make him? I actually meant accidentally make him fall for me. _Jesus, I sound so self-centered right now...I hope she doesn't mind._

**Rose: ***raises an eyebrow* Accidentally?

**SmoshyDoctor: **I swear, I wasn't really trying to! It just kind of...happened!

**Rose: ***realization spreads across her face* Ohh. I see...You weren't _trying_. *winks*

**SmoshyDoctor: ***totally flustered* No! Not like that! I really wasn't! I swear!

**Rose: **Believe me, SmoshyDoctor, things will be much easier if you just tell the truth.

**SmoshyDoctor: **I am! I really, truly am!

**Rose: **Uh-_huh_. _**Riight**_. And I'm the Queen of England.

**SmoshyDoctor: ***being totally defensive* I'm **serious**, Rose!

***My phone rings in my pocket, playing the BBC Sherlock theme song***

**SmoshyDoctor: **...Excuse me for a tick. *answers phone* Hello?

**?: **Stop lying to her.

**SmoshyDoctor: **...Who is this?

**?: ***scoffs* Don't act like you don't know.

**SmoshyDoctor: **...Okay, fine. Which version of him are you? One? Three? Six? The War Doctor?

**?: **Wrong, wrong, wrong, and wrong. One more guess is all you get.

**SmoshyDoctor: **Have I met this version of him-I mean, you-yet?

**?: **No. But you will sooner or later.

**SmoshyDoctor: ***eyes grow wide* Is this...are you...?

**?: **All in good time, my dear.

***The mysterious caller hangs up***

**Rose: **Who was that?

**SmoshyDoctor: ***turns to her and gulps* I...I'm not sure.

**Rose: **Well, it must be some version of the Doctor from what you were talking to him about, right?

**SmoshyDoctor: **I think I just talked to number Twelve.

**Rose: ***gasps* Twelve? But that's...that call should've been **impossible**!

**SmoshyDoctor: **That's what I thought too...but you almost never know with that Time Lord.

***Rose's phone rings suddenly, playing the song Clair De Lune***

**Rose: ***looks at me* Is it...?

**SmoshyDoctor: **Just answer it. I don't mind.

**Rose: ***turns around and answers phone* H-Hello?

**?: **Well, well, well. If it isn't Miss Rose Tyler. I've heard _so_ much about you.

**Rose: **...You're not the Doctor...*glances at me nervously*

**?: ***chuckles* I'm not even a smidge close to him, sweetheart.

**Rose: **Well then, w-who the _**hell**_ are you?

**?: **Take a wild guess. You can ask your friend who's there with you for help.

**Rose: ***puts call on speakerphone and turns back to me* ...

**SmoshyDoctor: **...Rose? What's wrong?

**?: ***in a sarcastic tone* Oh, hello there, my _dear_ Jess.

**SmoshyDoctor: **...Oh. Oh no. Not you. *shakes head in disbelief* You...you _**can't**_ be him...

**?: **I'm afraid so, darling.

**Rose: ***stares at me* You know who it is?

**SmoshyDoctor: ***nods* Sadly.

**Rose: **Then who is it?

**SmoshyDoctor: **His name is Moriarty. Jim Moriarty.

**Moriarty: **Well, that took you an _awfully_ long time to spit out.

**Rose: **But...I don't understand...Ten and I watched him die...

**SmoshyDoctor: **Honestly, I'm not really **that** surprised. He's as clever and cunning as Sherlock is.

**Moriarty: **Then I assume that you also know what I want from the both of you.

**Rose: **No...*looks at me nervously*

**SmoshyDoctor: **I do. And the answer is _no_, Jim. The Doctor would _**never**_ take you back in time willingly.

**Moriarty: ***sighs* Oh well. Getting things that I want the easy way are never fun, anyways...I guess I'll just have to use force.

**Rose: ***whispering* He's not going to kidnap us, is he?

**SmoshyDoctor: ***shakes head* No, that'd be too obvious...he's planning something better than that.

**Moriarty: ***snaps fingers* Sebastian?

**SmoshyDoctor: ***eyes grow wide* **Shit**.

**Rose: **What?

**SmoshyDoctor: **He's got a sniper aiming at our heads _right_ _now_.

**Moriarty: **Here's the deal, Jess, my dear...do everything I tell you to do in the next few minutes, or I'll blow Rose's brains out.

**SmoshyDoctor: ***hesitates* I...*looks at Rose nervously*

**Rose: ***mouthing* _**Do it or we're both screwed!**_

**SmoshyDoctor: **...Fine.

**Moriarty: ***snickers* You always were a _good_ _girl_, sweetheart.

**SmoshyDoctor: ***winces*

**Rose: ***looks at me in confusion*

**Moriarty: **Now get out your cellphone.

**SmoshyDoctor: ***reluctantly takes phone out of pocket*

**Moriarty: **Find the Doctor's number.

**SmoshyDoctor: **...I know what you're doing here, Jim. It's not going to work. He's going to know something's very wrong.

**Moriarty:** *impatiently*That's what he's _supposed_ to think. Now do it. Or **else**.

**Rose: ***very nervously* _**C'mon**_! Do as he says!

**SmoshyDoctor: **...F-Fine. *looks for number*

**Moriarty: **Now Rose, be a dear and hang up. I'll be sending instructions to your phone for Jess to follow.

***Rose hangs up on him the second he's done talking***

**Rose: **Jess-I mean, SmoshyDoctor-you can't do this! It's not worth it!

**SmoshyDoctor: **Rose, if we both run away from all of this right now, Moran will alert Moriarty and we'll be in even bigger trouble than we're in now. I have to do this, for the sake of our lives.

**Rose: **...You have a point there. Alright. I'll hold the microphone and pass my phone over to you.

**SmoshyDoctor: **Wait...did you just say the _microphone_? Did I forget to end the broadcast _**yet**_ _**again**_?

**Rose: ***nods* Yeah, you did.

**SmoshyDoctor: **Fucking hell...Alright, just give me your phone.

***Rose takes the microphone from the table and hands her phone to me***

**SmoshyDoctor: ***lets out a shaky breath* Okay...let's get this over w-with...

***Rose's phone screen lights up. Three new text messages from Restricted, it reads. I unlock the phone and begin to read, my hands starting to tremble.***

**Text from: Restricted**

Call the Doctor.

**Text from: Restricted**

Read out the message below:

_Ah, Doctor. Long time no see, you ignorant bastard. You have five minutes to come and retrieve your two little strays Rose and Jess before I grow oh-so-tired of them and blow their pretty little heads off. Tick tock goes the clock. Tick tock, tick tock._

**Text from: Restricted**

If your voice falters on even one word, one **single**, **tiny**, _useless_ word, _I_ _will not __**hesitate**__ to burn you. _I will **burn** the _heart_ out of you.

**SmoshyDoctor: ***dials the Doctor's number, hands shaking*

**Rose: ***crosses her fingers and makes a silent prayer*

***Eleven answers the call***

**Eleven: **What is it? I'm a bit busy flying Clara back home...

**SmoshyDoctor: ***takes a deep breath and gulps before reading Moriarty's text* _Ah, Doctor. Long time no see, you ignorant bastard._

**Eleven: **_**Oi**_! That's **rude**! And I thought I told you no more swearing!

**SmoshyDoctor: ***trying very hard not to cry and not to falter* _You have five minutes to come and retrieve your two little strays Rose and Jess before I grow oh-so-tired of them and blow their pretty little heads off._

**Rose: ***whispering* Please _help_.

**Eleven: **...Moriarty. I should've guessed from the moment Jess started speaking. Listen to me, Jim, I swear to Gallifrey if you do anything to them, I'll-

**SmoshyDoctor: ***interrupting* _Tick tock goes the clock. Tick tock...Tick..._*can't hold back years anymore, starts crying and falters*

**Eleven: **Dear _**God**_. Hold on, you two! *yelling* **Looks like we're taking a slight detour, Clara!**

***Eleven hangs up***

**SmoshyDoctor: ***looks at Rose with tears streaming down her face* I _faltered_.

**Rose: **I would've too!

**SmoshyDoctor: ***crying* No, Rose...it's **bad**...h-he said he w-would b-burn m-me if I faltered even _once_..._I'm a dead woman_.

**Rose: **Oh Jess...*hugs me, accidentally drops microphone*

***Audio broadcast ends abruptly***


End file.
